I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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