Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
