haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
