I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
