I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
