Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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