All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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