So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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