Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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