Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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