Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize
