CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
