dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
