I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
