That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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