My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
