I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
