I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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