We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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