dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
