SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
