Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
