she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
