Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
