you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize