you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
