i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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