You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
