i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
