Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize