The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize