Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
