my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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