i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
