Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
