I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize