No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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