Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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