And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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