end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
babies were throwing up all over the place
cat food counts as protein by the way
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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