Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
