I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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