Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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