pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
