It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drunk is not a location!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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