Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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