I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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