i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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