this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
