I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
