So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize