i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
