I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
