we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize