real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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