I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I just went to clothing optional bar
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize