Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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