508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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