You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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