He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
