meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just forgot I was standing up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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