I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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