We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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