I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
