dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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