You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
