I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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