Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
