Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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