Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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