it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
