I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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