his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
