we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize