I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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