Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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