She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
