i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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