oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
