I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
