he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
