glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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