I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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