4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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