Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
