I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
