Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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