i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
