i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this will be a night to untag.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize