i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
